he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
