I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
