i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
