1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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