Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
She told me I should be a condom model.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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