Nicole vs. Life
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
