listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
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