Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize