some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
