Just fell off a train. Bad.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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