It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
