Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
