i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
