i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
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