I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
