Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
