Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
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