i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
