Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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