You just made me feel so damn special
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
