I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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