You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
