It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize