how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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