He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
