mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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