she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize