You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize