LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
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