even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
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