so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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