Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
