There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize