if i can run in heels then i can drive
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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