I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
