If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
