Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
