We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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