Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
