what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Randomize
