why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
