17 year olds will be the death of me.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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