Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
