OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
