she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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