we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Randomize
