I molested 6 butterflies tonight
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
Semen is not good for contacts.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
