The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
