ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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