Taylor Swift is so right about you.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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