remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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