I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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