Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
not ubering you a puppy
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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