My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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