and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
