he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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