i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize