woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
