i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
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