Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Someone came in the potted fern
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I party with great urgency now.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
