No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
soo... how was my night?
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