nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
You are a genius and a whore.
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