then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
