dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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