I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Randomize
