woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
