I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I think i got beer on your cat.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
