he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
