Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
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