I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Randomize
