4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
