Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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