I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
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