She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
