My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
