Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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