do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
