So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
