Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
