good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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