you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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