he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
