we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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