He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
