And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
