My sheets look like a crime scene.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
