how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
