The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Randomize
