Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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