So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
