like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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