just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
