i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize