i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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