Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Randomize
